Chero... I don't know how we are supposed to feel or act. My emotions have been all over the map ever since my AH began his recovery.
LGLG... You mentioned that this was rehab # 4. I know that it is hard for you to see this sometimes, especially when he keeps falling off the wagon... but at least he is trying (please don't throw any tomatoes at me for saying this). The fact that he keeps going back to rehab shows (to me) that he wants to get clean.
The HBO segment on "Relapse" pointed out that "relapse is not a failure of the treatment... it is a disorder of the disease."
My AH came home from his AA meeting last night in a rather somber mood. He told me that he had met a woman who had fallen off the wagon after 20 years of sobriety. He seemed depressed by this. It was as if he could see how grim the long-term prognosis can be. Just as we are waiting for the other shoe to drop, so are they.
I am completely defeated in this battle. There is nothing I can do, regardless of whether I respond positively or negatively. I'm trying very hard to respond compassionately. I'm also reminded of how important it is to stop looking at him and keep looking at myself.
Hang in there, everyone.