You all totally rock. Thank you so much for all the support and great advice.
I feel stronger this morning.
I think I'm starting to realize that this is a pattern...how he sucks me into this crazy dance every couple of weeks. How vulnerable I still am to his drama. How important it is that I let him figure things out on his own - make his own decisions. I mean, I just found out that he filled out the paperwork for a loan that he wants...so he should be able to check himself into a rehab, right? I think so.
Yet, as you all know, it is just so crazy-making and heartbreaking to hear someone totally wasted cry and beg and rant.
I'm taking baby-steps, and sometimes even leaping towards protecting myself against this onslaught. For example, when I first left him, I used to answer every single phone call and spent hours trying to reason with him while he was drunk. Now, I do not answer his calls at all, unless it is before 10am (usually his sober time of the day), and then only sometimes.
But at the same time, you are right Sunflower, it's not all about me...he is a human being who has lost his mind due to alcohol abuse and I should call 911 if he is threatens suicide again.
big hugs to all of you!
