The path to a better life is there - and it's available to you.
Releasing the pain, the guilt, etc was a really big hurdle for me for a long time and I nearly destroyed my sanity in trying to do so, so I really understand how you are feeling.
I believe that each individual goes through phases of recovery - and sometimes we just get stuck. I was "stuck" for a long time. Finally, I was released from that - and believe me, it came in a way that I never dreamed!
Hang in there - keep working your own recovery - and are you seeking help and support through Alanon or counseling? I often find that the answers that I seek are usually right in front of me - I just sometimes miss the sign - even when it's big, red, glowing and on fire! LOL.