Sunflower. Just when I think my insanity has stopped. He is in jail. When I talk to him he is nice, when I go see him he is my friend. I didn't realize really how much I still need the help and direction you guys give me to keep in mind what I have to do. I was with my forbidden friend not too long ago. All I could hear in my head was my A screaming. Screaming that I was dirty and horrible and a liar ect, ect. My A and i aren't even planning to be together when he gets out. We are just enjoying the sobriety right now. I could have stayed with my friend, he asked me to sleep over like I used to and I couldn't. Not because I didn't care or didn't like him but because of my screaming brain. It sucked. I deserve to be happy too but I knew the guilt would overwhelm me. So my insanity hasn't stopped. My insanity remains in my own mind. I have to fix it. I don't really know how except to be alone right now. No men. I can't handle them right now. I can hardly handle myself. So I don't know that I will ever be able to come here completely recovered. It makes me mad that I need to be here anyway. But I am definately glad I came. I am glad for all of you. Thank you for having me. B