Getting Stronger Day by Day
Hi Everybody,
This one step at a time, day by day, thing seems to be working. It has now been three whole weeks since my ABF left without a word. I have sufferred and hurt a lot. I am gradually coming to terms with this. I now realize that I should never expect to see or hear from him again. If I do, fine, if I don't, then that's better. It's dreadfully lonely here. All of his things are still here, just the way he left them. I am finally getting up the courage to pack them up. I have some extra time off this weekend, so I intend to go get some boxes and get to packing. I plan to put all those clothes in a garage sale this summer. My answer if he calls wanting them back is, you haven't needed them all this time, I figure you can get along just fine without them. I will tell him that there obviously is nothing here he needs, including me, so he might as well go back where he came from.
His picture is still up. I enjoy looking at a picture of him when he was clean. I hear that he has lost over 30 pounds since he left and has sores all over his face. This happened in the short time since he left. The crack makes him scratch sores on his body. I do wonder who is enabling him now. I think he was just playing me all along so he would have a place to crash, get food, and then go back out. I am wondering if anything he ever told me was the truth.
Wondering and my imagination don't get me anywhere but in a state of depression. Depression comes and goes. Right now, I am OK. Tonight, when I face the four walls alone, it may be a different story, but I won't enable him any more. He literally starves himself so he can spend what little money he has on crack. I can't really imagine him even taking his money to buy a cup of coffee. He rounds up scrap metal for money, sells it, then goes after more crack. If he hasn't found another enabler, which he probably has by now, he is living off of McDonald's $1.00 menu. What a life!