I am independent in all ways but one... emotional.
I have always carried myself financially, socially, intellectually. I don't need anyone else... and tend to isolate because of that. That is not good.
But when it came to allowing myself to be vulnerable emotionally... gah!
I would either "trade" my love for some expectation or build resentments for not having expectations fulfilled or go through periods of isolation.
Today, I finally have allowed Mr. Big to just love me and not worry about where we are in the game. Who owes who. I don't know the process of how this has come about... but it started happening in Alanon. Maybe when I started allowing my women friend to fill some of the emotional holes I had always had expectations for from him. Maybe that "lightened" the load so that I have fewer resentments. But something happened. And it is better today.
"Too independent"... yeah. I think it is possible. But I don't like that label applied by anyone but me. And I have to get to that realization on my own. When others start pointing out this stuff in me... I gotta wonder what is going on in them.
(((Cat))))