My Ex husband told me he "liked" my independence, but he also felt threatened by it and told me I was unapproachable.. he needed me to be "soft."
Yeah.. well, I got over being soft the first time HE was tractor driving drunk (well, you can't expect a guy to work all day on the tractor w/o a bottle behind the seat can ya?), and HE got the tractor hopelessly stuck in the mud and I had to dig it out and finish the job because HE got MORE drunk (because the tractor got stuck).
About 5 hours later and with 70 tons of mud on me I got the tractor out and drove it home. I walked in the door and handed him the keys.. and he was so drunk all he could slur were the xcuses why he got it stuck. Not even a thank you. THEN, I still had to feed and milk the cows.
He wore me down over the course of almost 20 years and I became the 3 steps behind and head down woman.. and then I left. He was in the mental ward (again) and binge drinking when not in there.. and the animals were gone so I moved out.
And for two year I was alone but not in recovery.... and then I met the XABF.. Steve.. and I am grateful for the photography I learned and the trips I went on and that I am in recovery but d**n his hide cuz he is a philandering cheat. I am now grateful he is GONE.
I have not re-aquainted myself wtih my own independence until the last 5 months, thanks to SR, Alanon, and my own stubborn cussedness that I am ever so grateful to have back!
I love it. Today, if men are threatened by me SO BE IT. Let 'em cowar and cover their heads.. cuz I have ARRIVED!
".. leave 'em scared.." (Hudson and Landry)
".. are you strong enough to be my man.." (Sheryl Crowe)
If a man is threatened by your independence it may be that he is co dependent.