Excellent post, and quite timely. I didn't have any real self-esteem to begin with - my parents made sure of that. If I had realized that I had to approve of myself and love myself first, I certainly wouldn't have married my AH. Nope. Would have gone out on a few dates with him and then run as far in the other direction as possible!
We codies have a hard enough time focusing on ourselves as it is, and I think that has everything to do with why we don't know who we really are, what we really want, or who to choose as a partner. It takes hard work and recovery to get to a point in our own lives where we can accept ourselves and love ourselves.
Let's just say I'm a work in progress ...