Originally Posted by
HKAngel24 
This brings up so much truth about this situation...
I can't leave because...
1. Feel like I'll never meet anyone that I've felt this way about (obviously his behavior prior to the past three months of active addiction.)
2. I DEEPLY WANT to believe that he will move out of denial and be willing to admit this problem is unmanageable and cannot be tackled on his own and then change.
3. Feel that I'll never find the connection I have with him with anyone else. I dated for awhile prior to meeting him and found it hard to find someone I really liked.
~ Now, as sad as it sounds-- he is pushing me away. So far away. Basically kicking me out of his life and continuing to tell me that "I've already left." Why am I still holding on so darn tightly???
i do understand how you feel here, i felt the same way about my rah of 21 yrs, and i found out that i HAD to leave because i need to accept that his addiction was pushing me out, that his addiction was robbing me of my dreams. because i felt like you i knew that i NEEDED to demand respect from him even if he was addicted. i NEEDED to love me enough to not allow his actions to destroy me, all in the name of love.
then i HAD to make a decision, if i was so bad, and i was making him so unhappy, then i WANTED to move out of his way so that he could find that happiness for himself and by himself. even though i knew that there was never be a happy life if it had to be surrounded by addiction.
see, i had tried everything i knew to try, to be a better wife, mother and woman, but no matter how hard or how much i tried, it was never enough, so i HAD to give up. i had to let him go free. no i did not divorce him yet, but i had to allow myself the chance to feel better about me. i didn't want to be with nobody who didn't want me around. its true that i just knew that somewhere in this man, was that love that he always had for me, but i had to move out of his way so that he could either figure that out for himself and so that i could learn to respect myself more than i was allowing myself too, by excepting someone whos cruel to me.
i figured that if he was ever gonna give me the respect that i deserved, i had to respect myself first. i had to set an example of how i wanted to be treated by my actions. i got so tired of waiting for him to change. i realized that if i wanted a change in my life, then i was gonna have to do the changing. sorry that this has been so hard for you. but he is treating you this way because you are allowing him to do this to you. i pray that you soon will make a decision to respect yourself, then maybe he will see that he needs to respect you too. keeping you and yours in my prayers.