round4

Hi everyone,

Reading all the posts and knowing that I am not the only one, gives me alot more strength to hold my ground.

I layed some boundaries out to my daughter and her boyfriend the other day. I found several sources for counseling that they can do (thanks to the people here on this board.) It all went fine until yesterday. More beer, 1/2 gal. vodka...gone again in a days time...my daughter drank mostly beer, the boyfriend drank beer and pretty much killed off the vodka bottle. They started early in the afternoon. My daughter went to bed around nine, and was still pretty sober. The boyfriend watched the Dallas/giants game.

I thought...OH GEESH...I can see it now...I go to bed and he starts up with my daughter. So trying to be normal, I watch the football game with him. That was fine at first, then he got drunker and drunker, goes in and keeps waking up my daughter, then he's sooo loud, my 10 year old keeps waking up. (she hasn't gotten a full nights sleep since they arived.) My poor husband won't go to bed worrying about me...

Though it was a good game, it went into overtime and ended around 1:30am...I was hoping he would go to bed when it was over.....WRONG!

He woke my daughter up, she swigs the vodka and they are just begining. He is an angry drunk, so now there was no way I was going to bed, because of when he grabbed her the other day. So here I am sitting, they want to go on the front porch...I am thinking...my poor neighbors, there is no way...so I tell them...no, they can't go, he is too loud. Now for the backyard...I say no. He starts getting aggitated, then my daughter says calmly that I need to have some repect and trust them....YEA RIGHT!!!

That is what set me off...RESPECT!!! RESPECT!!! Off I go, pretty much charging at him yelling...EXCUUUUSE ME!!! He starts crying...I told him that he was the BIGGEST, FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF, POOR BABY THAT I EVER MET!!! my daughter says...How dare I talk to him that way! I say, how dare you say to ME, what you just said! On and on...my 10 year old yells..everyone shut up! My hubby gets in front of me, because I am in their face. I am not EVEN like this at all, I am very patient and I NEVER blow like this! So the boyfriend is still crying and trying to make excuses for everything, my daughter is saying, "We're leaving and that I am identifying her boyfriend with her dad"...LOL ...NOT!!! I say, if that is your choice...then go...this is NOT safe, this is NOT healthy, and this WILL NOT go on in this house! That if they want to drink, they cannot drink excessive and get bombed every night here!

They calm down, I calm down, my hubby is sending everyone to their own corners! He starts up all his boo hoo excuses again and is upset that I said, He abused my daughter so he is like that..(he says he's not like that, he's not a violent person) I said, he knows what brings him to that point, he grabbed my daughters throat and pushed her right in front of me...he IS like that!!! If he wasn't before, he is now, and he knows the cause, and he should do something about it now, before he kills someone!!! And for her, I said, "you do nothing but try to passify his actions and make excuses, so HE doesn't look so bad, you go along and drink too and then allow his behavior to effect ALL of us, including her! Yesterday she was late to a job interview, because HE was hung over and wouldn't get moving and she didn't want to leave him alone here, afraid of what he might do!

I don't know how today will be, but one thing I am feeling right now...daughter or not...this will not go on for very long. I love her with all my heart, BUT there is a limit! Then I start feeling the point and seeing archie bunkers commercial in my brain about his son. My daughter alone without her boyfriend is savable...I can see this...she hasn't been doing this very long. I told them both that I had found counseling if they want it, that I WILL HELP them with that...She wants couseling, says it all the time, her boyfriend tried it and says, "it does no good" soooo she won't go as of now, because "we" don't like doctors. When he is not there and sober, she says she wants to go and get help.

He is a BIG con artist, and she has fallen line, hook, and sinker. I think she is holding onto him, because he is 21 and can BUY the beer.

So that was my big night last night. I am really mad at myself for letting them get to me that much that I would explode like that, BUT I can't and won't let them find a comfort zone with this drinking in my house. I have to find another way to get my point across...Any ideas?