So sorry to hear you have had a bad day. I know as moms we seem destined to feel guilty about everything regarding our kids ... but please don't be so hard on yourself. Moms always seem to worry about their kids no matter what the circumstances.
My brother developed SLE (lupus) when he was 12 and my Ahusband developed a debilitating level of Fibromyalgia several years ago and this was on top of a number of alcohol related problems he incurred in his last 2 years. I myself had significant autoimmune problems in my 20's and 30's ...and I never knew from one day to the next what I could and could not do or how crummy I would feel ... and I know my brother and husband endured some of the same frustrations. On bad days I would keep telling myself that I had to be due for some good days soon .. and any day was a good day if I could get up and take care of myself and get at least a few things done.
Interestingly, it was when my brother developed lupus, instead of giving my father another reason to drink ... it inspired my Afather to stop drinking and turn his life around dramatically. My dad got his act together, sobered up, asked for his old job back and got it - went on to a successful career and became a good provider for his family and dramatically changed the quality of our family's life ... and provided the care and support my brother needed. My dad slipped and drank for a few days several times a year ... however he completely changed the direction of his life .. and this change was totally motivated by his concern for his son's health. For the first time his focus was on caring for others instead of himself. My dad was a perfect example of why alcoholism is not always a progressive disease ... and in his later years was wonderfully kind and supportive to me in spite of his own failing health when he found out my own husband was an alcoholic. Many times I have wondered if my brother hadn't been sick... if my dad would have made these enormous changes in his life ...and in ours.
Please take care ... and I hope you have many "good" tomorrows ahead of you.