Hey Em,
Shall I throw out an old adage like "Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens"? Does that make ya wanna slap me? Probably. I'd wanna slap me if I were in such a state. Been there. I soooo hear ya. Sometimes I think there is just so much wrong with me and my life I just wanna throw in the damn towel..and what really ticks me...is that in those moments drinking doesn't feel like an answer (I have internalized that it will only perpetuate and/or exacerbate whatever crappy thing I'm whining and waaaaing about). And ya know, that ticks me too! Recovery has effectively stolen that crutch. I just gotta friggin deal. I wanna stomp my feet and throw myself onto the floor in an ever so dramatic wailing hissy. Some days it just feels like there is too much work to be done on myself and my life. I hate those days. I truly do. It can be so damn overwhelming. I suppose it's much to be expected in this first year of recovery. I have a lot of patterns to undo, habits to unlearn...I have no job and I no longer want to work in any field I'm qualified for. I have no savings, no security...yadda yadda yadda.
And ya it sucks some days
And ya somedays the sun is shining and everything is alright with the world...sometimes is fricking amazing.
Anyways, ramble ramble...don't know if any of this helps ya...just wanted to let you know.... I hear ya.