Mistakes
I am tired of being sick. I'm tired of being an alcoholic, codependent, blah blah blah. I'm tired of being poor, and I'm tired of working my ass off for nothing, really. I'm so ******* tired of all this.
And you know what? It doesn't get easier. I have amazing days, fantastic days... I have these incredible lifts that remind me how good it is to be alive, but then it's like... look at the rest of my life. What's the point? I feel like my life is swallowing me, I just can't seem to get ahead. I don't know what to do, I don't have any more resources to tap, I'm broke and I am so ******* overwhelmed.
I don't have to drink over this, and I won't, and I'm praying so hard, so ******* hard... I just want one little sign that things are going to work out in a timely manner, 'cause otherwise I am ******. And homeless, literally.
I need to quit the melodrama and breathe, and understand that the sooner I take my hands off the controller the better off I am. I just wish my stomach didn't hurt and that my mind would stop racing. Breathe, breathe. I don't know whether I'm coming or going most days, but it's going to be okay. It's GOT to be okay, right?
Right?