Dolly, you are absolutely right! I am printing your email and putting "IT" on the fridge. The good doesn't outweigh the bad. The disease has progressively gotten worse. I tried to tell him it would. He agreed, but he kept chasing the high. If I had known in the beginning what I know now, I don't believe I would have ever gotten into this mess. He's been gone 11 days now. I don't know what he's been doing, who he has been doing it with, or even where he is. I still can't help but want a phone call to know if he is still alive. I am lonesome and miserable---because I miss him. Bottom line is: You are right. I don't need this in my life. He is too far out there. I read Pernell's posts. They were very helpful. It made me realize that if I take him back in, I will just be hurting him in the long run. I have done that many times. I'm not closing the door on the relationship, but there has to be a change. He has to decide to get clean and stay clean, or this has to be the end of us. I know I can survive. Obviously, he can survive without me. If he's not dead, he has survived 11 days without me. The damage has been done. I know I have to work through this somehow. It hurts, but I know I have to let go of my hurt and not let him back in to keep doing the same things over and over again, and expecting different results.
Thank you.