Well, thank you everyone for your posts. Obviously, it's not a question that can be definitively answered. People have been trying to explain and understand addiction since the beginning of time. I suppose we do have many theories and ideas, but really, still, no answers.
Of course, we all have underlying issues. I don't think anyone would argue with that. But, at the same time, some issues are more destructive than others. I might have codependent tendencies, but the manifestations of these tendencies certainly did not destroy my marriage. What destroyed my marriage was my husband's alcoholism, denial, and refusal to confront the problem honestly and head-on. And the things he said to me while under the influence changed the way I felt about him. And broke down the trust.
If the tables were turned and he had asked me to get help, I would have - no question. Does this have to do with personality types? I don't know. Does it have to do with the affect that alcohol has had on my AH's brain? Maybe. I don't know.
I think from what I've learned here, is that the addiction problem is multi-fold and has so many layers. We will never know what caused what. All we know is that we have people in our lives who drink to the point of self-destruction and even if they stop, they often still have destructive personality traits.
Like Duet says, we are all just trying to figure out the nature of the beast the best we can - from the outside. We're not saying we're perfect. Hell no.
And maybe in the same way our codependent ways can vary greatly from person to person, so can the manifestations of alcoholism vary greatly from person to person.