I completely understand. For me, what was so amazing was what his behavior did to me. I was plowing through his car looking for booze, going through his drawers, looking in every nook, behind every door. My younger daughter was the pro; she could always find his stash. I got to the point of not only detesting him but detesting myself. Finally, I couldn't stand the person I had become. Today, without him, I cross one bridge at a time. That's my new motto.