faith123

My ABF left Thurs. nite, more than a week ago. I have had one phone call. He called at 12:30 am Wed. morning, after six days out. He wanted me to come get him. He had his truck, but no gas. He was two hours away, and I had to work the next morning. I told him I couldn't miss work, and I asked him to call me the next day, and I would see what I could do. I haven't heard from him since.

I have made up my mind that there is no way I can live with his active addiction. As it is now, I don't see how he could think we still even have a relationship. Still, there is no closure. I don't want him to come back. I really don't want him back at home, but I am sitting here all by myself wondering why he won't at least call. He didn't even have a change of clothes. How would I know if he was dead or alive? The last thing he told me when he hung up was that he loved me. I told him the same thing.

This disease has certainly been progressive in the past year. At first, he was only going out once a week. Then it turned into every three or four days. He would be gone maybe 17 hours. Then it turned into 2-3 days. Now, it has progressed to this. The last two times he was gone a week and then ten days. Now, who knows when I will hear from him? It's been ten days. How can they do this to people they are supposed to love? How can they live like this?

I am going on with my life. I got someone to mow the yard today. My mower doesn't work. I went to the grocery store. I have my pay check. I still can't stop the pain. At first, I was so mad at him, I turned his picture around so I didn't have to look at it. Today, I turned it back around. I really miss this guy. I feel like an alien has taken over his mind and body. I just would like a call---just a call. He knows he needs help. He knows he's killing himself. Still, he just won't make a committment to stop smoking that crack pipe.

I am tired of hiding my money, the tools, and my valuables. I am tired of things coming up missing. I am tired of the messes he makes in the house. He hasn't spent the night in the same bed with me for weeks. He says he's too restless, and he doesn't want to disturb me. He sleeps in intervals. He never gets a full night's sleep. He can't stay awake through a whole movie, but he never sleeps all night. After ten days, though, it's getting pretty lonely. I need to move on with my life, but something keeps holding me back. What is it? Why is it so hard for us to walk away from these relationships that are doomed from the beginning?

A phone call wouldn't kill him.