How could I be so stupid- advice needed!
Well... tonight we had made plans for him to come over. He was to begin his outpatient here in the city tomorrow. (Later he tells me he is working tomorrow so he can't go to rehab--- what i see a lousy excuse. At the time I was understanding- HA!)
He does not call me all day (odd) and does not answer when I call him twice.
As I mentioned in a previous post he tells me his going to the doctors- I semi-freaked out and he is patient with me assuring me that everything is okay. That all my fears are just fears and are unwarranted. He tells me all kinds of things and I pressure him about the discrepencies and he tells me more reassuring stories.
Now...
Who goes to teh Dr. on a Fri night from 5:30-8:30PM. Does not make sense.
Within this time I am freaking out, obsessively going out of my mind (something I told myself I would NEVER allow him to make me do again!), feeling like I was in excruciating pain waiting for him to call. I call three times- no answer.
He finally calls me back and my observation was he was slurring his words- telling me multiple stories that didn't make sense. Not making much sense himself. I ask the same question and he tells me different answers.
But still I distrust myself to know the signs... I am still unsure...
I erupt into tears. Thinking: HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID...
I feel deep, deep emotional pain just writing this.
When I think back on this-- how can someone weave such a web of intricate lies is beyond me? What type of human does that? And how could someone like that EVER love me ? They don't have the capacity to it seems.
I feel stupid. Depleted.