Truffles,
Oh, Gosh...I've made too many mistakes to count. I think we all have. But ya know what? You are not trapped. You are not. You can stay...you can go...but the bottom line is you can do whatever is best for you. Don't let him beat you down to the point that you think you can't.
You've had a taste of inner peace.
You can reclaim it. Its yours for the taking.
I'm honestly not advocating that you do one thing or another...only you know whats right for you. Just be true to yourself. Listen to that inner voice. You'll get where you are meant to be. You will!!
Don't beat yourself up.
Love yourself. Be gentle with yourself, okay?
You've got a whole bunch of us walking beside you...cheering you on.
Hugs...