Truffles, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Sometimes just because someone isn't using, it doesn't mean that they have lost their addictive traits, especially if there is no program...no attempt to explore ones' self and want to change. And sometimes, just because someone is clean it doesn't mean the person becomes nice.
I don't think there is any excuse for a partner to be emotionally abusive. Sometimes emotional abuse is just as painful as physical abuse. I've found I become most paralyzed when I believe I have no options. When I make up my mind to explore options and make a plan and to believe in myself and my higher power, I do move forward. I hope you can find the strength to want to change your situation. Please don't let his words paralyze you...you are a good person and mom and you deserve a wonderful life. Hugs and prayers