janit, thank you so much for responding. I know your posts, and I know what you have been thru but you are sooooo much stronger than me. I don't know if I am up to planning a course of action, because now I can't act like all is good and if I don't he will drink so incredibly much and call me at work and not follow boundaries, etc. I had found a systern that worked for me at the time, I can't do that now. I really just want to run away and hide and get a much needed vacation from all this crap. But tonite, with that lie, I really realized how much more important my sanity is (and he kept trying to twist it, typical A way of thinking) and now I'm upset, and he's passed out (had to have beers, of course, cause I P**** him off - always an excuse) which is getting me more down - I have been with him 22 years or so, and you know what - the minute I leave my sister (who's addicted to ambien and uses it as a tranquilzer instead of sleep aid - like a bobble head) will try and snatch him up because she thinks he's so great and she is tired of working 70 hours a week and when he goes with her, it's really going to set me off because it's a kick in the A** to me from both of them. How can i make a plan of action and still live with him at the same time? I also have a lot (monetarily) to lose if i do something stupid. I swear, sometimes I think they have it easy, I wish I could lose myself in something and not have feelings about anything.