I so know how you are feeling - I went thru it for two years with my RAH. I don't know why I ever let him back. There where times I wish he just wouldn't come home it would have been easier.
The last disappearing act, I said that was it, I had enough. I got to the point I didn't even try calling him anymore because I knew he wouldn't answer the phone. He disappeared for about 2 days he sends me a text message how bad he messed up, I didn't answer the message all day he would text and I would ignore.
I went home for work hoping he wouldn't be there, I was changing the locks that night. He was in an accident and got a DUI - he kept telling me how sorry he was. I figured that was his "rock bottom" it kind of was.
He has been clean for a couple of months now, but there are still times I wish I just ended it.
I wish you the best, truly think of yourself and do something for you. I feel like I let my AH & his drug life control my life for 2 years.