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Why dont they call

Old 03-22-2007, 10:48 AM
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Why dont they call

Does anybody know why they dont answer their phone or call us back? But they show up all messed up?
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Old 03-22-2007, 10:56 AM
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Dear Nicole927 - My AD is the same - it's hard to be waiting waiting waiting but I'm trying to "Let go let God" - it's difficult - learned this mornig that Psalm 118:8 was the centre of the Bible - read it - interesting isn't it?
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Old 03-22-2007, 10:56 AM
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They don't want to deal with us. We are not druggies and what a drag it would be to be getting high listening to someone telling them its wrong. Or could it be infidelity in a relationship, another woman or another man? Could it be they passed out or lost thier phone? Maybe they want to watch porn uniterupted, with or without company for 13 hours straight and masturbate. Perhaps our love for them reminds them of just how much they are loosing or maybe we just anoy the hell out of them once they have our money. It could be any reason but I think what is most important is that they DO IT regardless of why. It eats at our mind, body and soul while we make ourselves physically ill over thier BS addiction. Drugs are bad and active addicts do very bad things at times, its the nature of the beast.

Last edited by Noah812; 03-22-2007 at 11:22 AM.
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:03 AM
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I have a little bit of a different scenario, as I am the addict in my life. Although I should mention I am recovering. My husband is the one that goes out because he says it is painful to be around me. I call him and he see's it is me and absolutely will not answer the phone as he is usually the one out drinking (he does not have a problem at this point) but he will not answer because a. i'm going to yell at him or b. i am going to tell him to come home.
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:04 AM
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Brownie, I'm at work I will read it later thank you
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:09 AM
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Pretty much what anvil said is what I was told. He already knew he was in trouble, he knew I was just calling to bitch at him, He knew I was going to ask where he was and what he was doing, while hes was high and in front of his "friends. So it didnt matter if he come home then or 8hrs or 2 days later he was still in trouble he was still going to get bitched at didnt matter if he answered his phone or came home so why kill his buzz when he could just hear it when he was home, done partying and ready to crash and feel like crap for a few days. Whatever I said went in one ear and out the other. All I knew for sure is that I wasnt going to be the one to kill his buzz or get him to leave the drugs and come home. They never answer which is a first sign they are using. IMHO
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:11 AM
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Once he even took the home phone with him so I couldnt call him. Funny how its only when they are doing something wrong is when the cell phone battery went dead, it suddenly turned off, its broke lost or sold. BLAH BLAH BLAH. But if we dont answer our phones when they want something stand back cause boy they dont like that!
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:12 AM
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I think anivalhead said it best and is most likely accurate..............it sucks but I think thats the answer for why they dont answer the phone.......................
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:20 AM
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My husband described me this scenario.
WHen he uses he is either at our old house, now vacant besides a bed and some staples in the fridge and a bar of soap, or at a buddies hotel room.

His DOC crack

He says picture him paranoid. thick blankets covering all windows. All is calm quiet he's geting high, out of no where someone (me) bangs on teh door or calls ringing the phone off the hook. His first instinct RUN, HIDE, the world is coming to an end.
MY BIL has told me of the phone ringing and them both diving under the bed in fear.
I once had a hotel manager open the room door, worried too since a beautiful woman was outside and he not answering. I found him white as a ghost, terrified hiding behind the bathroom door-looking like he'd seen a ghost.
That is why he didnt answer
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:31 AM
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oh i know its so ahrd when they dont call,, just yesterday my husband finally hsowed up home after alomots two days,, no phone calls, no answering.... it make me worried sick. than he came home all messed up.. but it always happens this way,, always neverwants to answer or ifhe answers he will say afibb or if he has no choice liek hell aswer on accident hell say he cant come. but usually he doesnt unswer,,,,,,, and what he did also on his cell he put a speciall musco for the home number so he will not even look at the phone if he hears the melody thats is me... and whathe does to make me know hes stil alive lol smart man lol,, he turns the phone on for few hours a nd than off than again on i dont know lol if its really to make me know hes still there or what...or hes saving the battery if he know hell be out for more than a day.
anyways i know its hard,, for u hard toall of us.. but ithink i wantto learn to give it to god.. so i will not worry somuch,, but right now the truth is that its very very hard for me to do it,, i always worry.
hugs to u and when things like this happen,, justgo out ofthe home,, go realx d o something to keep u busy,, to make u sane u know,,, all th worry makes us tierd.. so do something good to pass the hardtime
hugs to you and love . GOD bless u
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:31 AM
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That was how Id know the difference if my husband was drinking or using. Using. Phone turned off no answer. Drinking, still no answer but he'd call backa few minutes later saying Ill be home in an hour. (Of course 6 hours later he'd say Im just around the corner, you may even see him pass but by that time the agenda had changed once again and he'd stop answering.)
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:51 AM
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We talked about why he doesn't answer the phone from the last time and this is his version

First he turns it on vibrate so it doesnt even ring Then sometimes thru the day its off then on. That is if he still has it. last mission he sold his cell.

Then I hear... I knew as soon as I took the first hit I felt guilty. All I could think about is you you you.... I'm thinking yea sure you are!!!!! He claims for him that the first hit is the best after that you are just so caught up in it that your mind manipulates you. Then he says but the whole time I was out I thought of you and I felt terrible. I just could not stop. Why because you were not out of money, drugs, things to sell. IDIOT. He said that before he could of got more drugs but after 4 days of using he said his body just could not take it anymore. You know I have a friend that is a recovering crack addict and he said he is living a nightmare out there Is that true?
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Old 03-22-2007, 11:55 AM
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Im sure hes right I mean no one wants to be an addict. I am sure its alot of self hate for not being strong enough to say no. Its the drug it just sucks you in so hard to walk away. That first hit is the best then u spend the rest of your time and money trying to find that again. I really doubt hes thinking of u hes thinking about nothing but his drugs of course he might be thinking about what shyte hes going to be in when he finally gets home. He just cant leave, he cant stop, he cant put down the pipe and wont til he is good and ready. Guilt, remorse, self hate sometimes arent as strong as the drugs pull.
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Old 03-22-2007, 12:15 PM
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I think it makes us feel better if nothing else, to know that we were at least on thier mind. That we were on thier mind and they hated the pain they caused us. An addcit friend of mine told me that he new exactly what he was doing and at what cost to him with his meth addiction. He would not answer the cell phone and would disappear knowing his wife and 3 girls would worry but he just wanted his meth. After days of god knows what he would show up at home to his wife, broke and exhausted to face the firing squad. Kevin told me he knew she would take him back as she was a good person and she loved him. After years of this one day she did not take him back. I think addicts tell us what we want to hear to help thier addcition. Careful taking words instead of actions at face value.
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Old 03-22-2007, 12:21 PM
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That's what I thought. I know that they are caught up but soooo caught up that they really don't know what they are doing???? GIVE ME A BREAK.
You are right they all know but they take us for granted. They think that they can always come back. I'm sure he tells me that so it is easier on me. I dont expect him to show up this time. I just wish the aching pain in my stomach would go away. I hate it when they do this. It is by far one of the worst feelings in the world. Very very selfish weak people.
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Old 03-22-2007, 12:26 PM
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I am sorry nicole you are in pain. I know the exact pain your describe and I have no clue what helps it as I never found anything to help when mine was that way. Try to do something for yourself and take your mind off of your A.
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Old 03-22-2007, 03:42 PM
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well i'm an addict and what anvil said is right on, for me anyway. at first all i could think about was getting that first hit, and that could began days ahead of time, i mean brain burning obsessive thought about getting that first hit. my head would tell me i could do just that one and hurry home and no body would know, as soon as i got it, all i could think about was getting a few more, so i'd gather up enough to last awhile and worry myself sick and scared to death about going home, the kid, the husband, the dinner, the dogs, my moma, the bills, the dadadad a thousand one thoughts all at the same time, then to make that go away, i need another hit. the more i smoked, the more i thought about those who were waiting for me to show up. over and over and over until the money and drugs are all gone and i can't figure out a way to get more. then my head would say, what the heck, you gotta go home sometime or another so i guess its gotta be now.

then i think that in my own head, i wasn't taking nobody for granted, it was that the pull for more was so strong on me and i couldn't pull away, i had to be forced away by the lack of drugs or money to buy more. i think a lot of the not answering the phone, has something to do with fear, the kind of fear that you have and you don't know what you are afraid of. well thats how it was for me. i was afraid to answer the phone, afraid to go home, just afraid. i did think about my family, and what i was doing to them but the drug over powered what the inner me knew was right to do. i think that i'm being honest, i don't know.

trust me yall, like anvil said, i don't know an addict who enjoy being an addict. its a miserable existance. think about it yall, people actually do commit sucide because they don't want to be an addict. i had those thoughts myself, if it had not been for my kids and fear, i don't know if i wouldn't have tried to stop it somehow, too. those addictive thoughts is enough to drive anybody mad. in my opinion
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Old 03-22-2007, 03:53 PM
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I so know how you are feeling - I went thru it for two years with my RAH. I don't know why I ever let him back. There where times I wish he just wouldn't come home it would have been easier.

The last disappearing act, I said that was it, I had enough. I got to the point I didn't even try calling him anymore because I knew he wouldn't answer the phone. He disappeared for about 2 days he sends me a text message how bad he messed up, I didn't answer the message all day he would text and I would ignore.

I went home for work hoping he wouldn't be there, I was changing the locks that night. He was in an accident and got a DUI - he kept telling me how sorry he was. I figured that was his "rock bottom" it kind of was.

He has been clean for a couple of months now, but there are still times I wish I just ended it.

I wish you the best, truly think of yourself and do something for you. I feel like I let my AH & his drug life control my life for 2 years.
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Old 03-22-2007, 03:54 PM
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i'm sorry, i forgot to say to you nicole, what i would do to talk myself out of worring about him not coming home was, first i'd except the fact that he was using, i'd know by a certain time that he was not coming so i decided, no need to call or look for him cause, if he don't want to be found, then he won't be.i'd reason with myself. "ok, by now he's got so many dollars and he's not coming until its all gone, and he has his wallet, in it is his licenses, so if he's dead, the coroner of hospital will call, if he's in trouble or hurt somewhere, the hospital, or somebody will call me and if he's in jail, he'll call. i literally when through this in my own head. after a day or two, i'd figure that the money was almost gone, and so i'd give him another day before i start looking for him to show up. i decided that there was no sense in worring the first day or 2, cause he had money and he was still out getting high. i learned to at least rest while i thought he still had money and nobody had call to tell me he was dead, in the hospital or in jail, until i got that kind of call, i knew that he was ok. like they say, try to do something to keep your mind occupied. if you haven't heard from him, he's probably ok.
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Old 03-22-2007, 04:36 PM
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i'm sorry nicole, anvil made me laugh, about power phoning, well i did that too, i also tryed mind controlling him home. don't work! i think that the phoning only make you sicker, and like anvil said, give him more reason to stay out there looking for more drugs. its almost like they try to wait until they think that you are just too tired to fuss or until they think that you are too sleepy to pay much attention.
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