Hi and Welcome.
EVERYTHING you read in the Sticky at the top of the page "What Addicts Do" is so true.
I believe the Alanon program has a program for those unable to attend meetings.. a remote sponsor program (I don't know if that is what it is called).
You need to learn how to take care of you in this program (SR, NarAnon or AlAnon) so you can have the peace you so desrve in this life. Keep coming back!