I had to really really focus on step one...acceptance.
Once I started really accepting that my son was an addict, I had to admit to myself what that meant.
One thing it means is that recovery...for me and/or my son was a process, not an event, and that I had as long a road as he to travel (patience is not my best trait)
And when accepting his addiction became too hard, I prayed hard, for guidance and peace and for someone to watch over him.
It was only after the last, I think , that I even allowed myself to look at me, and to work on myself.
And when those thoughts would creep up on me (they still do...especially the suspicions) I go right back to where I started...step one.
It works for me
Wishing you better days
((((hugs))))
Cece