Codependent Crazies
Why, why, why do I find myself spiraling completely out of control and turning into a mushy ball of codependent insanity?
Embracing obsessive behaviors that completely strip me of my dignity.
I TRIED to repeat the mantra of focusing on myself, but it often feels so meaningless - like I'm so unworthy and downright unable to focus on myself.
I WANT a healthy relationship more than ANYTHING in this world.
I know I need to work on myself, but it feels so UNCOMFORTABLE and HARD.
Anyone know any ways to ease this discomfort and move forward?
Why must I interpret every little thing as a red flag that I am
There is little trust in my relationship at the moment for obvious reasons. Yesterday my bf came home from rehab (after 4 days) - he had been unemployed for over a month and needed to return to work on Monday. He is signed up to attend an Intensive Outpatient three days a week for three hours.
I lose faith in myself. I lose my self-respect when one moment I am strong and feeling okay about myself and having a future focus for a healthy relationship. That we both need to work on our own recoveries. Then the next minute I am crumbling and my entire worth, happiness and sanity feels contingent on his attention. Why do I need CONSTANT reassurance of this love?
Since our amazing, extremely close relationship for over eight months went to shambles when he started using again- I seem to be interpreting every red flag as more than it actually is. I am trying not to fault myself for that, but all the old awful thoughts come back.
He says he loves me, but I do not FEEL it. I want to heal so that I can feel love, because I love myself.
Why is this so hard?
Why do I feel so unworthy of loving myself or even believing I have something good within?
I know I've had a bad day to begin with: Looonggg day. Worked 9-5 (Boss was putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me and being semi-patronizing) then had class in which the midterm that I thought I did amazing on did not turn out as expected -- now I have to haul my behind in the rain to the subway station 7 blocks away so I can meet my group to work on our project at 9:00PM. Plus everything with my bf... I guess i am feeling sorry for myself.
Last edited by HKAngel24; 03-19-2007 at 03:45 PM.