Thank you so much for your responses. You guys are the best!! I feel better already just having gotten my feelings out. It is so nice to know that someone understands.
I do keep a journal. I picked up a copy of The Artist's Way (in my search for a Higher Power) at a recovery store in the city and am doing morning pages where I write three pages the minute I wake up. It helps me get in touch with myself.
Thank you all.