my AH is a nice guy too!
AGrandma, you are in the right place! Many of us have a similar story. We wouldn't have married if they we jerks. My AH is same as yours. Nice, smart, kind, giving, etc etc etc. He started out drinking on wknds when he was 18. Then it was in the evenings. Then by the time he was in his 30's it was in the mornings. Then the afternoons. By the time he was in his 40's he was drinking almost all the time. He always had a job, but the alcohol was starting to destroy this nice man. It got worse and worse as the years went by. Then he became a binge drinker. Wouldn't drink for several months, then would drink nonstop for a couple weeks. About 6 years ago, at age 43, he had our children with him and decided to drink and drive. Was in a terrible accident and almost died. Hospitalized for 2 1/2 months and is still recovering today. One of our children was hospitalized for 13 days with spinal fracture, liver laceration and intestinal damage.
He continued to drink and now had an addiction to pain killers. I kept telling myself, but he's a nice guy... He has this horrible disease... We rarely fight... He helps around the house... he is a good father... yet, something was terribly wrong. But, I was totally wrapped up in him and his problem. I wasn't enjoying life any longer. I needed to fix ME instead of trying to fix him. So, I started going to a support group at a church. After about a year and coming to this sight almost every night, I began to live again. And I realized he was damaging not only himself but our children and our family. He could no longer live with us. He spent about 1 year wondering around, living in hotels, rehab centers and eventually ended up in jail. It all ended up being a miracle. He is now working with other addicts, leading AA and AV groups and truly is that nice, kind, articulate, funny, man again. I am so glad he has decided to jump on board with my happy healthy family. PS, my AH has been seeing a therapist who specializes in addictions, and she has been a tremendous help.
Hope I didn't ramble too much. I hope you can find some support for yourself and I hope your AH can get the help he so desperately needs also. There is hope for them, but there is also tremendous hope for you too... I hope you can find a support system soon.