My AH always told me that he drank because he was in emotional pain from an event that happened to him about 6 years ago. He said that it was self-medicating because he couldn't go on anti-depressants due to the nature of his work. He told me that he was feeling better all the time, and would stop drinking very soon. He always said how sick of drinking he was...how he couldn't wait to stop.
I believed that for years.
Then the drinking escalated. It began to take over. He never wanted to leave the house, except to go to work. He began to say mean things to me more often. Slowly, over time, he began to be very irrational and incoherent a lot the time. He started taking days off work to stay in his room and drink all day. He started saying REALLY mean things to me...sometimes in front of friends.
In the last six months I have given him many ultimatums. "Stop drinking or I will leave". He let me walk out the door everytime. Only to call me non-stop begging to come home. I would stop by to check on him. He would be a drunken MESS. A very, very sad thing to witness. Wow, alcohol just rapes the body, mind, and soul. He was less and less the man I knew once. More and more child-like, irrational, and out of control. I returned to him a few times. He would promise over and over and over that he was done drinking. He just couldn't stop. Went right back to drinking after detox. I filed for divorce. He still drinks and still promises to stop. Tells me all the time that if I just came back to him he would stop. I tell him that if he wanted to stop he would, with or without me. That it has nothing to do with me. I was with him - right by his side- for years as he slid into this pit of addiction and it did not matter.
I don't have any answers. I just know that it is a heartbreaking thing to see happen to someone you love.
I know that my AH is a good man. I know he could be the most amazing person in the world if he got his sh*t together. He has "potential".
But when it comes down to it, he is not willing to get help and surrender. Perhaps that is his character...while other A's are willing to reach out and/or accept help.
I can't blame him for anything exept how he is choosing to face his addiction.
I hope your AH is the kind of person who is willing to do the work and set himself free.
Good luck. Please let us know how the appointment goes.