i do understand that you don't want a divorce, but you are filing for one so i'm kind of confused.
i didn't want a divorce either and my husband did the same as yours and seem like he didn't mind that he couldn't live with us, but because i knew that i was not ready for divorce or didn't know if i was ready, i choose not to file for one until i was sure that i was ready.
i'll have to admit that living singlely married all of these yrs was no fun at first at all, i was losing my mind when i first found sr. i found out that i didn't have to make a decision about my marriage right away, not until i was ready to do that because thats what i wanted to do, period. as long as i knew that i wasn't sure, i choose to seperate and work on me until i was emotionally able to handle a divorce. sure i feel like i wasted a lot of yrs being married to a man who was never around, but that was ok,
i learn to be happier than i ever been without him and that only came when i began to re aquaint myself with me.
if i had to make a suggestion to you, i would suggest that you focus more on what will make your life happier, detachment don't always have to mean forever, just that you decide to not stick around and take a front row seat to all the addictive drama. i think that you are the one only who can decide what you need to do for you and about your marriage. we will support you in what ever decision that you make.
for me, dating would still be kind of on the back burner, addiction is already hurting enough people. sorry this is only my opinion. i care and i'm here to support you and your decision. addiction is never gonna be an easy life to live, and it depends on how long you are willing to wait to see if your ah will recover, he may and he maynot, that is up to him and there is not much that you can do to alter his decisions.
don't mean no harm and i may be so wrong, but it kind of sound like you may want to manipulate him into getting clean by telling him about the date and divorce and i know that getting sober is something that he'll have to do just because he is sick and tired and ready to live better. usually recovery don't stick until the addict is really ready. this is not a law, only from my experience. you are welcome to pm me anytime you want. i care