I Blew My Top
My AH hit a nerve today. We're about to be divorced because he chose to relapse in November, and chose to do nothing but deny. It has been a MAJOR rollercoaster for me. He's also bi-polar. His doc is codeine.
Right now I have been talking to him occasionally and on some days I thought possibly he was considering straightening himself out. Well today I told him this is it, I really have been asked out on a date, and unless he says he'll clean up, I'm going.
He told me this sob story about how when I made him leave, he said he wasn't coming back and he's so sorry it has to be this way, but he is hurting too...quack, quack. Then speculated on who it is. I told him it didn't matter. Well he's been text messaging me about how he doesn't know who I am, blah, blah, blah and the man who gets me will be very lucky because HE KNOWS WHO I REALLY AM, and that ONE DAY, I will see what he's talking about. Then says, I will always be available if you need someone to talk to. I wrote back (explicit) f$%^#ck that! Then I said oh that makes sense, what would I say, hey AH, I was married to this guy who chose drugs over a descent life and as long as I bought into the addiction, everything was fine. I acted like such a fool to try to get him to realize what a mistake he was making. Then he says, I'm not talking to W_ _ _ _, who is this?? I said I haven't been talking to J_ _ _ _, who is this???
THIS IS TOTAL INSANITY! He has truly bought into his idea of what has gone wrong. He has convinced himself that we just had "problems that were unmanageable." I love(d) this man. He and I NEVER argued about anything but why he hated mayonaise and why I hated science fiction movies. Then he came around to tolerate mayo, and I will humor him by sitting in the room with him while he watched the movies.
I don't know what came over me today?? I just said enough is enough. I'm sure another day may be different, but I'll worry about that when it gets here. Weird thing about this is, I seem to get his attention when I am just down right mean to him. I don't do this intentionally, but I am tired of beating a dead horse!
I even told him to come get my wedding ring and hock it to get pills and get his mail forwarded to the correct address. He said ok. Then I said yep, that's how low you will go (hocking ring, or even taking it back). I said that to prove a point. I really cherish my ring because I love my husband. People have told me to make it into something else, but I love it just the way it is, and I long to wear it again for the reason I have it. Oops, he just texted me....stay tuned. Thanks for listening!