Gwen... I don't think this is SO much about the driving (yeah, I would have done it, felt just like you do, and then maybe had a double back up the NEXT time).
I think this is more about a partner who sounds like a controlling anon without a program.
Separation may not only save your sanity... but your physical well-being, too.
So .... why does he get the kids? I would take them and let HIM fight for them (unless it starts freaking them out, then I would probably try to find an arbitrator, or other state or court official to help with with MY custody).
You are in my prayers girl. (((hugs)))