My heart is breaking.
Yesterday was a day from Hell.
I had court yesterday in two different counties, one at 9am and the other at 1pm. I had lined up a ride a few day previous so I wouldnt have to drive. I even called the night before to confirm my ride. 5 minutes before we are supposed to leave I get a phone call saying my ride had a family emergency and wont make it. I frantically call every friend I have which are very few with no luck. I even called the court to explain what was happening. It made no difference. There would be a warrent issued if I dont show my face in court. So I do what I swore not to do, drive. If I sat at home I would be arrested or if I get caught driving, I get arrested. I had a 50/50 chance of getting stopped versus staying home and an automatic warrent goes out. I drove. I prayed all the way to just make it there. I was hoping to find someone to drive me back but no luck. I get to court a few minutes past 9am. My lawyer isnt there yet. I call at 9:30 and they said she should be there already. They hung up and found out that she went to the wrong court(where I was supposed to be at 1pm). So I was relieved to know that I didnt have to drive to another county at least as she got the court date pushed to May. She gets to the court where I waited until 12pm and just had the case passed to June. My lawyer couldnt drive me home as she had other business. Again, I got in my truck and drove home once again praying so hard just to make it home. I made it with out incident. I was wiped out from the anxiety of driving.
A few hours later Paul comes home and I ask him to go get milk. The lady asked him how I did at court. I work at the gas station he went to. I had to stop for gas, so thats how she knew I was driving. He come home and just exploded. I was waiting for his head to turn on his shoulders all the way around. He couldnt believe how stupid I was. Maybe he was right, but I did what I thought I had to do. He wouldnt leave work to take me anyway. What it all boils down to is he is tired of my F*** ups and all the sh** Im going through. It doesnt never seem to stop. He told me to pack all my stuff seprate from his and the kids and I can find somewhere else to go.
For those who dont know We sold this house and are closing on it next Wednesday. I have until sunday to get all my stuff. Plus I have to go into jail where I still dont know what is to come of their stupid investigation of someone accusing me of bringing in pills.
Anyway, it was a miserable night. I slept alone on the couch, he took away my phone so I cant call anyone, and he wont let me use his computer when he is home since its his. I sat and cried till 2am this morning and had to work at 6am with my face all swollen and puffy from crying. To make matters worse he has custody of the kids and can make me pay child support on top of everything else I got going. I know he's under alot of stress right now too with selling the house and changing jobs, me not having a full time job, and all the stuff that Im dealing with affects him too. Im at the end of my rope but still hangin on. I come home and it looks as empty as I feel. My heart really hurts, and I cant take anymore.
So if I dont log in for awhile, its cause he is home and wont let me use the computer. Sorry for just dumping this here.