amen, lakeside, amen. i'll add college to your list. other than that - you pretty summed up my attempt at control.
my husband and i always thought we were the ones who "paid". knowing what we know about daughter's addiction, we relieze that she "paid" dearly as well.
allow them to do for themselves - what they can do for themselves. i've learned it's really about respect, in many ways.
blessings, k