Towel Thrower,
I too am suffering from alot guilt about my ex but, I have to keep telling myself it was his actions which contributed to my making the decision to leave.
I finally came to the conclusion that leaving was the lesser of the two evils, I became suicidal twice and would probably have ended up drinking again. That would have been devastating to my 10 year old son.
The ex never wanted to get help and god knows I gave him enough chances, what he wanted was to have someone there taking responsibility for his stupid behaviour. He didn't care about us only himself.
And as far as everyone else blaming you well I know it's hard but hopefully in time you'll see it's their problem not yours. If it's his family blaming you that's because they can't face the fact themselves that he's sick and want to sweep it under the rug. You leaving him has shoved it in their face.
Ngaire