((((booklover))))
I can really feel your pain....I know it is difficult to sort out your feelings right now.
The only thing you can control in this is your thoughts. I believe we cannot control our feelings though. Maybe some deep breaths while sitting quitely with focus on breathing to help quiten your mind. Your mind is what is doing the crazy making here I think. Your feeling are real and acknowledging them will most likely keep you on track. Try to distungish the differnce between your thoughts and your feelings...and let go of any thoughts of blame cause when we blame someone else for our experience we cannot full experience what we are going thru....