struggling
I seem to be struggling alot today with everything. My head is filled with a million questions, or thoughts that I really need to sort out. In a response to my earlier thread it was mentioned that resentments and a lack of trust lead to intimacy issues. I do very strongly agree with that. What I seem to have trouble with is letting go of that resentment. I've tried and tried to let everything go but something keeps holding me back, and I'm hoping that maybe someone elses prespective can help me out. I think that part of the reason that i am holding onto this resentment is because of RAH's doc(pot). I've never thought of pot to be harmful or addictive until RAh came into my life. I've always thought of it as nothing more then a recreational drug, no big deal. Well this is where it becomes a problem, because of this line of thinking that I have followed all of my life... I feel that RAH did have choices as pot isn't as powerful/addictive as other drugs. He could have just quit.. it was a concious choice to continue smoking pot. Hope I'm making sense and not offending here. Because pot has never been seen as "serious" i just didn't think addiction "fit". I still don't believe he honestly has an addiction. I think the lies, deciet, stealing from the kids and I was all because he's a selfish person... no other excuses or reasons. Even with more "clean" time he's still got the same attitude that he can do whatever the h*** he wants whenever he wants... no matter how it effects his family or anyone else. He still lies right to my face... even about the simplest of things, and he still steals my change. I cannot forgive and let go of the resentment when the same things are still happening right in front of my face.