I must be insane!!!
I think I need advice from someone a bit saner than myself.
Over the last week, my RAH has received emails from an ex who tracked him down. He invited her to come see his show in FL, we live in TN. I read the email and was pissed. He said he was just being nice, she tracked him down not the other way around but that if I didn't want him to talk to her anymore, he wouldn't.
Now, I should know better than to believe anything the man says, right?
He is only 30 days clean and before that had 50 days sober with a week or so of using in the middle. Other than that, he now admits to using about everyday of our marriage. So, we have a lot of crap to fix in our lives personally and our marriage. I told him my trust factor was 0 and that now is not a good time to expect me to trust him in many states away with an ex.
But of course, he continued to contact her, this time by phone, a prepaid phone he acquired originally to hide drug purchases from me, as I checked his phone records. I confronted him. He lied and said he did not call her. Without going into a million details, I had written proof he lied from the girl via email, and he still tried to lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF??????? I told him I had the written proof, he knew it to be true and still lied. Why?
He promised me he had only lied to me in our marriage to cover up drug use. Obviously that was a lie. He promised when he first started to get clean, he would never lie to me again, and that was a lie....
So to the next part of the story...he is in TX playing a show and then will go to FL where this girl is. I know I will be sick to my stomach all day wondering if they are together. He calls me today and wants to fly me to Austin to see a concert with him, which I have never done as we have kids and I can't follow him all over the country while he plays guitar.
Is he doing this out of guilt? Is he trying to do something nice to make me forget this mess? And worse of all, why do I want to go??? Part of me is afraid going means I forfeit all right of being upset about his secret psuedo relationship with this ex and I don't want to go just so I can be mad at him still....okay, that isn't healthy. But neither is wanting to fly to TX to spend the day and night with him at a concert when he has betrayed me so.
Any thoughts?