Chero,
At least you are aware of what you're doing with the manipulation. It takes many of us a long time to get to that realization.
Have you read the stickies yet? Check out About Recovery. I think that's where you'll find some information on Setting Boundaries, Hooks that keep us boundary-less, and detaching, amongst other topics.
Some of these concepts are difficult to grasp at times, especially when our emotions are so over-taxed.
Wish I had more to offer, but at the moment I'm feeling a little french-fried.