HI Calli,
Welcome to SR
I am sorry about your husband, I went through the same thing.
At this point, may I suggest you attend an alanon meeting?
You'll get help for yourself there. You'll learn to stand in the eye in the storm instead of spinning around with the chaos.
Lean on this board for stress relief and help.
Try not to get crazy in the mean time. Step back and take a big breath and calm yourself so you can think.
Keep coming back Calli.