New and desperate!!

Old 03-12-2007, 07:47 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Location: Staten Island, NY
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Question New and desperate!!

I am in desperate need of advice. My husband is an addict. It started as a social thing 5 years ago with a few Vicodin on a weekend. You know the drill, progressively got worse, and the on again, off agains are to many to count. He would detox on his own, never really telling me how bad it was. The past 2 years have been hell. More on than off, threw him out, came back crying with empty promises. Stayed clean for 2 months. Last week I found 4 (only 4) vicodin in his car. This time I wasn't going to let it get bad. I confronted him, and vowed to get him help. Because he has gone through all our $, house in forclosure and cars already repoed, I had no choice to call his parents. (he's 33 yrs old) His father came and got him. Needless to say he was on percocet, Vicoden, Oxycoton and Methadone(2 months). I was floored...I know now how blind I was. Now everything else makes sense. My questions are endless but first--- I am so angry, how can I be supportive when I want to kill him (not literally!) He's 3 hours away, detoxing 6th day. still seems to have the I'm the victim attitude. Sorry for the rambling I have no idea what to do.
I'm 30 years old and we have been together 9 years, married 4 1/2 years, and have a 1 1/2 year old beautiful girl, that gives me reason to go on.

Problem is I love him with all my heart, and I wish the wonderful man I married would come back. Is it possible. Will he ever be that man again?
I am so afraid he'll detox, and go back in a few months. What do I do?

So sorry I vented...have no one that won't be biased.
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:55 PM
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Power is not having to respond
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HI Calli,
Welcome to SR
I am sorry about your husband, I went through the same thing.
At this point, may I suggest you attend an alanon meeting?
You'll get help for yourself there. You'll learn to stand in the eye in the storm instead of spinning around with the chaos.
Lean on this board for stress relief and help.
Try not to get crazy in the mean time. Step back and take a big breath and calm yourself so you can think.
Keep coming back Calli.
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:12 PM
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Hi Calli, im new to im a mum addicted to pain killers among other things hang in there - nothing about addiction is easy on either side. More importantly look after you, your health and well being is as important for you and your husband. Thinking of you
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:19 PM
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Location: Nashville, TN
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Welcome to SR. It has been a Godsend for me.

I also have been married 9 years with 2 children with similiar ages to you.

I also knew some drug abuse was going on but I had NO idea to what extent.

I was very angry, among other emotions. I am still in the middle of my mess figuring out who I am and what to do. One of the statements that has been the most helpful to me is to remember the three C's---I didn't cause it, I can't control it nor can I cure it.

Take care of yourself and the precious ones. We are all here for you. There are others on this site who are much further along on their path and I'm sure they will give you incredible advice. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:27 PM
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vent away - the more you share the *crap* in all of this the less you have to keep in your head - it helps me immensely...

i hope things get better - once you start taking care of yourself and really putting the focus on how you really feel you'll notice life falling into place - really...

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Old 03-12-2007, 08:32 PM
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glad you found us & welcome to S.R. i can not tell you if your husband will come out & do the same thing.what i can tell you is there is recovery for you.there are f.t.f.meetings that you can go to & keep coming here also.there is lots info here & alot of wives going thru the same as addict is my son.lots of support. keep coming back,we care.
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:51 PM
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welcome here!!im really happy you have found thisplace,,,ifoundthis place not long ago too.reale help alot,,whatever is on your mind put it here,,itwill help u alot alot!!im also awife of an addict,,wehave3 kids ,,oe isthesame age asyours!!,,.im sureyour little girl makes you smile!!!

im sorry for all the pain u have now,,the bestthing u cando is be ur best freindnow,, and concentrate onur healiing,,sou have energytogivetoyour baby.!!find some meetings,,and also come here,,youll getlotsofhelp here!!
i hope your husband will get better and go to rehab,,,.just likeihope for my sending prayers your way,,and kisestoyourlittle girl!!
God bless u.
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Old 03-13-2007, 03:11 AM
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grateful rca
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welcome, glad you found us, sorry to hear about your husband, my husband and i both are recovering addict with 7 kids between us. it can get better. take the focus off your husband and put it on you and your daughter. i will keep you and your family in my prayers
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Old 03-13-2007, 03:23 AM
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I'm no angel!
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I have no answers...all we can do is hope our loved one will finally embrace total recovery.

Please see if you can attend some meetings and keep posting.

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Old 03-13-2007, 05:13 AM
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welcome to you. I love reading the posts to you. Please notice that all wish him well but they are about YOU...What a switch huh? I am sitting here and saying a prayer for you and your family....Marian
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Old 03-13-2007, 05:28 AM
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Location: Texarkana, Texas
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Hi Calli,
My situation is similar to your in the fact that my AH's problem went on for a little more than 2 years without my knowledge. I thought he was cheating on me with another woman by the time he started to act really crazy!! Like the other's said, concentrate on you and your kids, that is ALL you can do, really. Make boundaries you can live with and that you can stick not ever compromise your morals or comfort zone.
Peace to you and keep coming back to the forum!!
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Old 03-13-2007, 06:20 AM
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Naranon and/or Alanon meetings are what got me through -especially in the darkest of times. No one knows what will happen. All we can do is start our own recovery. I have found the only thing I can change is myself, but that when I change, it does affect the people who surround me in my life. There is hope.
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Old 03-13-2007, 06:57 AM
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remember to breathe
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welcome to some peace of mind, thats how I feel about SR. I started coming here in december and I have to tell you it's a God send. the addict in my life is my 22yr old son, his drug of choice is heroin. He's in recovery now but I'm always on my toes. You'll get alot of support here and some really good advice if you want it but the support is most important to me.

good luck and stay strong
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Old 03-13-2007, 08:04 PM
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Location: Staten Island, NY
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I cant begin to thank all of you!! For the first time in years I consumed my thoughts with ME!! What a great feeling to know I'm not alone.
I hope I can eventually provide some comfort to others.
Thanks so much
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Old 03-14-2007, 08:36 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: MI
Posts: 132
Unhappy thank goodness....

I am so glad I found this boyfriend...the love of my life is addicted to xanax. when i first found out, I did not take it that seriously, concerned yes, but had no idea how addictice & destructive xanax was. some counselors agree its one of the hardest to quit....
I just have been fighting for 7 months giving suggestions, supporting him, taking care of him through detox...and all the sudden he's ready - going to counseling, meeting, taking weekly drugs tests..all for me. I'm happy but at the same time I am scared, am I just digging myself deeper for another relapse. His worst was years ago, dillusions, paranoia relapse into the hospital...I wasn't in his life then. I'm scared, I feel like I have never met a more kind, sweet, non judgemental, loving individual....when he's sober. And barely present when he's not, misses events, commitments, can't remember conversations, or where he's so sad really. I guess I just don't know how one is supposed to just DECIDE and WALK AWAY. How do you do that?
But after reading all the threads of those who are married, kids, jobs, houses lost....I'm terrified. I'm becoming depressed, crying often, distracted from work...I think concentrating on the three C's will hope. And I'll be looking into these Alanon & Naranon meetings...even though I don't know what they are.... but thanks for listening. He went to counseling tonight and a meeting straight after. He was too tired to tell me about it...I'm sure its exhausting but it hurts my feelings. After all I am the one who wipes your sweat & tears, holds you while you're lying on the floor shivering about to vomit from detoxing...and I don't even know how it went.
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Old 03-14-2007, 09:30 PM
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Dear Selah,

Welcome to SR!

You might want to take your post and start a new thread with it because it will get lost in someone else thread and I know a lot of members will want to welcome you.

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