Thank you so much everyone. It helps so much to hear all your kind words of suport.
The meeting went "well". It was intense. I caressed his face like I was his mother and pleaded with him to get himself the treatment he needs. I told him that he is a good man and that he did not deserve to get this addiction. But what he decides to do about it is all up to him. I begged him not to let it take away everything from him - that he had too much good to offer this world.
I told him for the first time to his face that I will not change my mind about the divorce. But that we never can know what the future holds. And for me to even consider having any contact with him, he would have to be in treatment and therapy and sober for at least a year. I told him that I hopes he proves what a mistake I've made - that he gets his sh*t together and lives the kind the life he deserves.
He agreed with everything. Assured me that he had the drinking much more under control and would no doubt be a new man one day.
It was so sad to see him so vulnerable...begging me to come back to him. I so wish I could do something for him. He kept on saying that if I'd only come back he could get better. But I reminded him that I was right by his side while he slid into all of this and it didn't help. I told him that his problem has nothing to do with him and me. And that too much has been said and done...and that my heart has changed. sigh.
He called and left messages throughout the afternoon til evening...starting out sounding pretty together...then by the last message he was trashed and irrational. He said something about taking mixing his pills and them making him feel depressed and horrible. I called his father to alert them to what is going on. They don't seem to really believe me...they say that everytime they talk to him, he is sober, and he claims to have quit drinking.
thanks again guys...I love SR