Where Was I When I Discovered This Site
Hi. My mother (who was my very best friend) was an alcoholic. She would get drunk every second night and when I was young I'd count the days on the calendar to see if she would be drunk on my birthday or Christmas, or special dates (of course she always was). I know in my heart if she could have done better she would have.
It is the aftermath that stays with the "perfect daughter." We're not allowed to tell secrets out of the home and everything is to appear perfect.
I live in my mind mostly (although everyone thinks I project a very confident, carefree self). I'm sure a lot of you daughters of alcoholic moms know what I mean.
I was surprised to learn that if we don't ourselves become alcoholics, we become "users" of other things (I spend too much - I eat too much - I used to smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day). I become obsessed.
Anyway, to anyone out there who understands, I hope you have the strength to claim your life. I find that cliche a bit strange because when something is ingrained (like you're just not good enough - or you feel like no one would really like you because you're not worthy), that's a difficult feeling to overcome.