Thought I'd post an update on my progress...
Since that last post I did about the night I passed on getting that drink when my wife was out, I broke down and drank on 10 occasions (I have a calander I've been using to track my drinking/sober days). The last drinking day I had consisted of 3 glasses of wine one evening and was after 32 sober days. I enjoyed it to a point, but realized the urge to keep drinking was there. I would have loved to keep drinking to extend the buzz for a longer time, but at the same time knew how guilty I would feel if I got plastered again. This was another attempt to convince myself I can enjoy a few drinks and control it. The urge to keep drinking was too great and I realized It wasn't that enjoyable at all in the end.
That was on March 11, 2003 and I haven't drank since (180 days sober). I am enjoying sobriety much more than any buzz I got off of Vodka. By choosing not to drink, I've been able to accomplish tasks I used to only talk or think about doing. I used to drink to relieve my stress...now I have other much more rewarding means. I used to drink because I thought it made me a better person to be around in social situations...now I realize how that person wasn't even me. I used to drink because I loved the buzz it gave me...now I miss that buzz, but know the consequences and can live hapilly without it.
I'm going to stop marking my days on the calander as sober days from now on. I'll remember March 11, 2003 as the day I had my last drink. That should be good enough from now on and I hope others here will come to a date like that to remember and have the strength to keep it.
Alex