Thanks everyone. Yes, Teke, so true - it doesn't really matter if I think about it in terms of forever (which can be so overwhelming in countless ways) or if I just try to get through the day (which is much better) because, no matter how much I "plan", the world still comes at me one day at a time. And my "plans", by the way, never seem to prepare me for much anyway and 99.00% of the time rarely come to fruition as I would have thought.
I feel better today. I feel like I made a healthy decision for myself. I agree that I probably haven't seen or heard the last of him, but at least I get a little time to feel the distance, which may just be a lot more comforting and comfortable than I suspected it would be.
I just noticed last night that when I went to the grocery store, I spent at least $50 less. I tried to figure out why, because I didn't think I tried to save... and then I realized that I wasn't buying his beverage of choice, his "snacks", his stuff... which is funny, because this man didn't even live with me and of course never went grocery shopping for me... also, my house is a lot cleaner and I've gotten so much done during the evenings since he has been away... in terms of work, been exercising more, watching myfavorite shows without interruption and spending more time on the phone catching up with friends and family...guess that the blessings may be a little more difficult to spot, but they are there all the same.