As I read this entire thread, I kept thinking that my 12 step program has taught me that the 3 C's...can't control the addiction, didn't cause the addiction and can't cure the addiction. With that being said, I have to decide how I (make that "I" in BIG BIG LETTERS AND BOLD) want to handle it.
No one has the corner of the market on pain. We, family members and spouses, all hurt from this terrible disease. I just came to the point in my situation where I had to decide what I wanted for me because I have to live my life....for the rest of my life. I had to ask myself some serious questions about what I wanted FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Do I want to continue hurting and, mind you, a lot of that hurt was because of my own choices. Do I want to continue with an front row seat to the addiction? Did I truly believe I was powerless over that person? And if I truly believed that, what choices would I make to make MY life better.
I came into recovery hoping someone would tell me to do A, B & C and my loved one would get well. Well, that didn't happen. What y'all and my Al Anon group told me was YOU do A, B, & C, meaning work the 12 steps, and you WILL get better.
You know what? They told the truth. Today my life is about me. I loved my addicted daughter with all my heart, but my HP has taught me that this journey is about ME and what is required of me if I want to make MY life better.
Mr. Hangin' says it all the time: We can't control our daughter and her choices. I thank God that today, if only for today, she is clean and sober. But if she did decide to go back out there, that is her choice. And I have my choice. Will I go down with her? I pray not for there is NO sense whatsoever in there being two tragedies. My HP doesn't want that for me. Thus I choose recovery. Through the 12 step program, my HP and I work on what is best for me so that I won't lose my life to my daughter's addiction.
Oh, and it's so easy to type and very hard to do, but it is SO worth it, working a recovery program. If you haven't tried face to face meetings, I'd suggest you find them and attend. Best thing I've ever done for myself was to walk through the doors of an Al Anon meeting. They, along with this board, have truly saved my sanity.
Hang in there. And I'm glad you're here, listening and learning.
Hugs,
Hangin' In