Sounds to me like you deserve a pat on the back. I know how you feel. I've walked out on RAH, and made him leave, many many times. I never can stick with it, guess I'm not very good at sticking to my decisions either. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing.
But, it sounds to me like you are stronger then you give yourself credit for. I think it's ok to tell him that you miss him, I really do. It's the truth, don't beat yourself up over it. You haven't let him come back and it sounds like he realizes that you mean what you say. Yup, sounds pretty strong to me.
((((trying)))) Give yourself a few pats on the back.... you deserve them.