obsessive thinking
Hello everyone.
It has been a while since I have reached out and shared and today i need the support and the strength, hop, and experience of other. My ex-Ag has returned home from a 90 day stay at a theraputic community (Daytop). Prior to her self admission, she was struggling with an opiate addiction that devolved into heroin use. She cycled in and out of active addiction for a couple of years and finally stood up and placed herself into rehabilitation. Prior to that we had separated for about 7 months. I had supported her in attempted recovery and active addiction bursts for a year or so. I had set a boundary of honesty that I stood by and finally pulled out of the relationship. I still maintained contact with her and supported her as a friend when she reached out. I love her dearly but I am not willing to deal with dishonesty and my ability to trust her is almost non-existent.
She never injured me or attacked me, but her inability to be honest was crippling and did damage I am still not sure at times will ever be healed.
I am active in a program. i attend meetings when I need to and post and view support websites daily. i also am well read on addiction and codependancy. I have daily meditations, go to the gym to release tension, and try and support her family in this as well.
My struggle is in my choice to maintain a relationship with her and when and if i should allow it to develop strength. I have dated others and it is a shame but they suffer for her actions towards me. and at the same time i don't think i am capable of loving another woman as long as my feelings for her are still so strong.
Has anyone had similar experiences?
I am not sure how to even start rebuilding trust.
I am not sure if i should withdraw and isolate myself as to avoid the pain of another loss with her.
I am obsessing in ridiculous fashion and am so unsure of what to do.
I need help.
Has anyone rekindled a relationship with someone in recovery and had success? If so, what did you do to protect yourself and how did you build trust again.
I understand the "lying" is part of the disease, but really, how much can you take without totally separating?
Thanks for letting me share.
gb2d.