Most sponsors, I think, will tell you that YOU are in control of asking for a sponsor and working the program. It's YOU reaching out for help and most want a committed person to be their sponsee - at least that is my experience.
I know how you feel about meeting people after the meeting. When I first started going to Al-anon meetings, I, too, felt like an outsider. After 2 years, I can say that I have made a lot of good friends and acquantances (sp?) at my meetings.
As for a sponsor, listen to other's shares and see if any strike you as a having a connection with you or if they have some serious recovery themselves. Go up to them after the meeting and ask. I know this is a hard thing to do and it took me a good long time after asking 2 yrs ago and was gracefully declined as she already had too many sponsees.
You can also put it out there during your meeting that you are looking for a sponsor.
Good luck,
thoughts and prayers
Karen