Thanks so much to everyone for your replies - it does help.
I needed reminding of a lot of stuff you said.
Satit - your reply helped cos I cant understand the alcoholic, because I'm not one. I get frustrated with him cos I cant understan his thinking..things that seem logical for me to do he simply can, like look for a new job. I only ever gently suggest avenues - kinds of jobs he might apply for. I never ever interfer with his program, thats all his and none of my business. If he wants to work it or not its up to him, but its reassuring that you say stuff I hear him say about AA. He knows hes not supposed to have this anger but knowing about his childhood I can make guesses (not to him) where it comes from and hes never dealt with it. He doesnt have a sponsor cos he cant get along with thewm, he did in the early days but now he maybe thinks he doesnt need one, tho he has tried to sponsor others and be of service, but he falls out with people all the time, then gets more disillusioned.
I keep my mouth shut about all this, just listen.
He expresses his anger all the time because he feels he should be able to and will not be controlled/walked on by others. hes very paranoid.
Thanks again
sophia